Je ferais pas l'effort de les traduire, vous êtes pas trop incompétents en anglais. Et je les ai prises sur gamefaqs.
Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux and Steve Yzerman all die and meet in heaven. God is sitting in his chair waiting for them. God says to the three legends, gentleman before I let you in, you must tell me what you believe in.
"Mario we'll start with you, in what do you believe?" Mario Replies "I believe hockey is the greatest thing in the world and the best sport in history" To that god says "take the seat to my left"
God then turns to Steve and says, "Steven, in what do you believe?" To which Steve replies "I believe that to be the best you have got to give every ounce you got!" To that god says "take the seat to my Right"
God then turns to number 99 and says "Wayne, tell me what do you believe?" To which Wayne replies "I believe you are sitting in my seat"
Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in the park in Toronto, when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck.
A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Leafs Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Leafs fan," the little hero replied.
"Sorry, since we are in Toronto, I just assumed you were," said the reporter and starts again. "Little Jays Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he continued writing in his notebook. "I'm not a Jays fan either," the boy said. "I assumed everyone in Toronto was either a Leafs or Jays fan.
"What team, do you root for?" the reporter asked. "I'm a Boston Bruins fan." the child said. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Bastard from Boston Kills Beloved Family Pet."
It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals, and a man makes his way to his seat Before the start of the game. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No," says the neighbor. "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible", said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for final game of the Stanley Cup playoffs and not use it?" The man replies "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away."
"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head "No. They're all at the funeral."
The Detroit GM sends scouts around the world looking for a new centre to hopefully help them win the Stanley Cup. One of his scouts informs him of a young Iraqi centre who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. So he flies to Iraq to watch him play and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to play in the NHL.
Two weeks later, Detroit is down 4-0 at home against Vancouver with only 8 minutes to play. The coach gives the young Iraqi centre the nod to go on. The kid is a sensation, scores 5 goals in 8 minutes and wins the game for Detroit. The fans are delighted, the players are delighted and the media love the new star.
When he gets off the ice, he calls his Mom to tell her about his first day in the NHL. "HI Mom, guess what?" he says. "I played for 8 minutes today, we were down 4-0 but I scored 5 goals and we won. Everybody loves me; the fans, the players and the media, they all love me".
"Thats Great," says his Mom,"let me tell you about our day. Your Father got shot in the street, your sister and I were assaulted and mugged, and your brother has joined a gang, while you were having a great time."
The young Iraqi star is very upset."What can I say, Mom? I'm sorry".
"Sorry!?!" says his Mom, "It's your damned fault that we moved to Detroit in the first place!"
God and Satan were having an argument one day about hockey. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral ice.
"Very well," said God "But you realize that we have all the good players and the best coaches."
"I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed, "We have all the referees."
Sujet: Crappy jokes 
Mer 12 Déc - 1:55
tres fort sérieux 
